wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
