My entire life is one complicated drinking game
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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