She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
