I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
