I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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