I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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