it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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