I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
