the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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