what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
