vagina is talking i cant
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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