Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
