omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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