He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
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IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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