They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize