Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
