So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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