All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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