What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
