I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
