Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
ugly people sure do ruin things
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
