We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
