just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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