I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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