There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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