My brain says no but my pants say off.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
