New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
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Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
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I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You ate ashes out of my bong
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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