Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
