some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
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He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
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Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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