Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
