I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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