someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
