I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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