FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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