thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
