Moan for me like Helen Keller
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
my poor anus
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
