i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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