On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
