we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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