did you get engaged???
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
