I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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