I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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