We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
