Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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