he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize