There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I got inside last night via doggy door
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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