Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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