sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
