I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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