he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
