my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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