dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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