i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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