Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Randomize
