pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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