are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
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I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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