No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
