found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
