Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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