you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
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I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
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I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize