wat bout pragnant strippers??
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
