This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
