come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
