I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
