You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
