I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
